A Different Kind of Goal Setting for the New Year
When Pushing Through, Getting Ahead & Making Things Happen No Longer Works (or You Realize They Never Worked)
A New New Year
With the anticipation of the new year, I thought I’d share with you a “planner” I made myself a few years ago. My intention at the time was to grow some aspects of myself that I felt I needed to in order to heal. I won’t share the planner in its entirety, but hope to give another perspective on goal setting for the new year.
Why This “Planner”?
I believe that part of our life’s work is unfolding the mystery within ourselves. You might call this mystery the soul. Whether we tend to it or not, it’s there. We can engage with it, keep it buried deep, ignore it and even fear the magnitude of what it may hold. We may think we’re already in sync with that inner part of ourselves, but I believe there’s no end to this unwrapping. I believe our instinct is to evolve into who we were meant to be as long as we’re here. The challenge is to balance that growth with being present in our lives as they are right now.
An Authoritarian Planner
A few years ago, a close friend gave me a planner and invited me and a few others to meet regularly to help each other focus on our goals. The shared goal was to encourage each other to align our individual goals and values with how we spend our time and energy. Quickly, each of us found we were giving a great deal of time to activities that we didn’t care deeply about.
The process helped me “get on track”. Each morning, I would write my goals and plans for the day and each night the planner would ask me how I did. Did I accomplish my goals? If not, what got in the way? Over time, I felt stressed. The routine kept me focused on my failure to do what I’d intended. For me, the planner became a nagging source of disappointment and a relentless exercise in checking boxes. As a psychiatrist, I knew these weren’t the type of neuronal connections I wanted to strengthen. Instead, I wanted to start my day with anticipation and a sense of purpose. I wanted to end it with gratitude and an awareness of the surprises that emerged.
Is This All There Is?
At the time, I was struggling with my health. I knew that approaching my life differently was key to my own healing and happiness.
Pushing through, getting ahead, and making things happen no longer worked. Actually, it never worked, though I did check off some boxes. Also, I was in my mid 40’s. Like many entering midlife, I started to wonder, “Is this all there is?”. I wanted to focus less on what I perceived the world expected (as if the world was even giving me much thought) and instead wanted to turn inward to a place of my greatest passions, abilities and purpose. I wanted my ego to be in the service of the soul, rather than the other way around.
A Different Kind of Goal Setting
My desires shifted from daily goal setting and accounting to themes of being present, letting go and having trust that answers to problems would emerge in their own time. I wanted to accept that things are as they should be and know that each challenge contains a lesson to be learned. I wanted to welcome whatever came my way. I also wanted to get some things done, which had come to mean using my unique abilities to have an impact on my small corner of the world. In short, I wanted to change my goals and plans to intentions and aspirations - to navigate from a place of the heart, rather than the head. With that, I put the planner away.
Untethered
It didn’t take long, however, for me to miss the structure the planner had given me. Unable to find another planner - one that fit my needs, I made my own. Over time, a three month planner evolved. Some prompts were more helpful than others. Some I outgrew. Every couple weeks, I made changes to the prompts. Eventually, the planner arrived at a place that I thought someone else may benefit from.
A Disciplined Checking In With the Soul
In anticipation of the new year, I've been revisiting this planner as a way to stay mindful (and even disciplined) about what matters most to me. Journaling does this as well, but can be easier to put off at times, as opposed to jotting a few responses to the planner prompts.
I do know that if I don’t tend to my inner life, no one else will. This tending involves a regular weeding out of what doesn’t belong - the things, relationships and activities - and a nurturing of whatever is energizing me and catching my attention. When I do a regular check-in with my soul, I’m more present, more creative, more inspired, more grateful, more compassionate and my life is filled with more wonder and mystery. These are the neuronal connections I’d hoped and still hope to reinforce.
“Divine”?
You may wonder what ‘Divine’ in “Days with the Divine” is referencing. I do as well. The title simply came to mind - I liked the sound of it. The “Divine” references the soul, our collective souls and the mystery of life. The Divine also has a way of inviting a feminine element in a way that I needed.
As with anyone’s, my soul will always need and long for some time and space to flourish. The making of this “planner” came out of that longing. I hope this planner can inspire someone out there to start or continue a daily conversation with that part of them self that is waiting to be heard.
I’d love to hear ways you check in with your inner wisdom.
Until next time,
Courtney