Intention Setting Before Holiday Gatherings
Whether traveling or hosting, emotional preparation can help us stay connected to ourselves, so we can be more present for others and find meaning.
This essay, with an updated personal postscript, goes out to anyone feeling the stress of an anticipated family gathering.
Peace on Earth & For All Families
From December 2011 - In the age of reality TV
What do you call the dramatic, conflict-filled and sometimes transformational social experiment in which people are put in an abnormal environment with a sensationalized form of reality and given a task? Some call it reality TV. Others might call it "holidays with the family”.
Like reality TV, anger, irritation and hurt can occur at family gatherings. The fact that some members are inevitably out of their natural setting, while others have their natural setting disrupted, doesn't help. Just as there's no one to blame for these environmental issues, there's no one to blame for the collective forces in families that resist change .
In reality shows, contestants are expected to have different perspectives. In families, there can be an assumption that all the adults should agree, if not on their world view, at least on details of holiday planning (dates, place, travel, traditions, etc). Some members may believe they know what's best for all involved. Equally problematic are those who begrudgingly agree to everything even when it's unreasonable for them.
There can also be the impossible expectation that all will revert to their role in their family of origin. Aside from new members of the family (by marriage or birth), there are family members who aren’t so keen on playing their old role - maybe they never liked it; maybe it no longer fits.