10 Mental Shifts For Sustaining “Healthy" Habits

Beyond the Internal Battles Around Food, Exercise & Other Lifestyle Goals

“Tree” - Cut paper, ink and acrylic on wood canvas, 12 x12” (Courtney Snyder)

This newsletter goes out to anyone on the roller coaster of making “healthy” choices, “falling off the wagon,” feeling bad about it, committing to restarting, and then falling off again. Willpower, resolutions, best-laid plans, and seemingly effective programs don’t ensure we stay on track.

Such internal battles can be around food, regular exercise, limiting time on the screens, or putting ourselves in a calm state. We may hope to improve our overall health, lose weight, improve our appearance, live longer, slow aging, or restore our body or brain to where it was before we became sick.

If it sounds like I know what I’m talking about, I do. I’ve been on this roller coaster before. But, I always believed there was a better way…one that was sustainable and even fulfilling.

I do believe that fatigue and brain fog can impact our ability to do what we want to do for ourselves. This is why addressing brain-related nutrient levels can be an important step for some. For many, if not most, the biggest impediment is our mindset.

In this newsletter, I won’t focus on any specific health choices. We all know what they generally are for us at this time or in our healing process. Instead, I’ll introduce mental shifts that can help us get off the roller coaster and step onto sustainable self-care. Self-pampering can be a part of self-care, but the type of self-care I’m referring to is much bigger than that.

Three people who’ve influenced my thinking on this topic (and this newsletter) are:

• James Clear - Author of Atomic Habits, An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

• Jason Seib - Self-care and mindfulness coach, author of Body Beliefs - Women, Weight Loss, And Happiness, and creator of the (dis)Comfort Zone Workshop

• Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener - Positive psychologist, author and speaker

You might notice that many of the below shifts are from the more restricted left-brain perspective to a bigger-picture right-brain perspective.

1. Shifting Our Why

We can start by asking ourselves, “Why do we want to add that ‘healthy’ habit or remove that ‘unhealthy’ one?”  We can notice if we are motivated by external or internal forces.   

• Extrinsic  Motivation: 

  • To look better or impress

  • To be more likable or desirable or acceptable

  • To do what we think we “should.”

• Intrinsic Motivation:

  • To have more mental clarity, energy, stability of mood, restful sleep, stress tolerance

  • To enjoy each day more

  • To take better care of ourselves

In addition to being unsustainable, extrinsic motivation can easily undermine intrinsic motivation.  As we focus and direct our thoughts to internal motivations, the external motivations tend to fall away.  They get crowded out. 

2. Shifting Our Identity

Who is it that we ultimately want to be? How do we want to live our lives? Such questions are not answered with endpoints or destinations. To borrow two of James Clear’s examples.

• “I want to write a book” becomes “I’m a writer because I write daily.”

• “I want to run a marathon” becomes “I’m a runner because I run daily.”

  And….

• “I want to be healthy” becomes “I’m a healthy person because I care for myself each day.”

The book, the marathon, and the health are the byproducts. They are not what an identity is built upon.

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference …..” - James Clear

3. Shifting Our Values

What is it that we care about? Is it the brownie, the social media notifications, or anything else that gives us that dopamine hit? We are taught that we deserve rewards and treats. Yet, we can actually trade much of that instant gratification for a deeper sense of gratification and self-worth.

4. Shifting Our Relationship To Our Feelings

“What was I feeling when I started to ‘stress eat'?” “Why didn’t I stick with my intention to exercise?”

• Avoiding our feelings can be replaced with noticing our feelings.

• Attempts to numb our feelings can be replaced by wondering what those feelings are trying to tell us.

  • Why are we irritated or stressed? 

  • Why do we always seem to self-sabotage after spending time with that person?

  • What do we need to look at?

• Attempting to bypass feelings can be replaced with simply having them. That’s it - just sitting down with them and being present, just as we would with a friend.

We really can grow our awareness of our unconscious processes, but to do so requires……

5. Widening Our Comfort Zone

(To borrow the phrase from Jason Seib)

When it comes to starting something new (or having those uncomfortable feelings), we can shift our thoughts from running from discomfort to walking straight into it.

“As we achieve comfort, it narrows the range of experiences with which we are comfortable, and we fall out of practice with grappling with hardship and navigating tough circumstances. As comfort becomes our new natural resting state, I believe that it is making us psychologically weaker.” - Robert Biswas-Diener

Self-care is REALLY hard when you run from discomfort.  - Jason Seib

Because so much of our energy is spent avoiding discomfort, this mind shift is especially powerful. It frees up space in our minds and our lives.  We really can replace “I can’t do that. It’s too hard” with “Great, I’ve got this. I’ll start with the first step, and the next will follow.” We can even say, “Bring it on.”

6. Removing Obstacles

We can ask ourselves what steps are required to make something happen and what cues will start to trigger our behavior.

• If we want to eat more vegetables, we can have more of them in our refrigerator. If we don’t know how to cook them, we can open the cookbook on the counter.

• If it’s hard to sit down to meditate, we can put a chair or floor cushion in view.

• If it’s hard to get out and walk, we can have our shoes set by the door (not in the closet, out of sight, and requiring us to open a door).

7. Increasing Obstacles

We can ask ourselves how we can make it more difficult to do the things that aren’t serving our care for ourselves.

• If we want to stop eating sweets, we can keep them out of the house.

• If other family members eat sweets, we can ask them to put them up in the cabinet (or in the drawer in the refrigerator) so they are out of view.

• If we feel we are on our phone too much, we can turn it off and put in another room.

• If we want to limit social media, we can remove notifications and delete apps…We really can.

8. Shifting From Goal to Process

We can ask ourselves when exactly we think we’ll get “there”. When do we get to start living? It’s not uncommon to set a goal that is too far into the future.

• We can replace destination with daily choices and the life that we are living right now.

• We can replace the goal of living longer with feeling more alive each day.

• We can replace making a resolution with being present with the next choice.

“Self care is nothing more than this question: How can I best take care of myself at this moment?” - Jason Seib

9. Shifting From Radical to Incremental Change

Sustainable change is about small steps that inevitably add up,….moment by moment, brick by brick… We can pick the one thing that we want to put into our lives and start small. Before we know it, the momentum from our small success is helping carry us forward.

10. Accountability

We can know that ultimately, in the biggest picture of our lives, no one can do this “work” of self-care for us. We can notice our inner dialogue and even call ourselves out when we’re not being honest.

Sure, there are times when life circumstances really do get in the way of our intentions, and there are times we may, for good reason, make another choice. We know the difference if we take a moment again to notice our thoughts and feelings.  

• “I can’t help it” becomes “Yes, I actually can.”

• “I didn’t have time” becomes “What am I putting before caring for myself?”

• “I didn’t feel like it” becomes “I can tolerate some discomfort.”

• “Everyone else was drinking or eating birthday cake” becomes “I can learn about boundaries, which I’ve heard is really important for self-care.”

The momentum does build over time. What might start as a little discomfort builds into intrinsic sustainable motivation that fuels itself.  As with anything, the neuroplastic changes for this require repeated mind shifts, small steps, and, yes….being uncomfortable at times. 

I hope your next action is a vote for the person you want to become.

Until next time,

Courtney

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Medical Disclaimer:

This newsletter is for educational purposes and not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment for either yourself or others, including but not limited to patients that you are treating (if you are a practitioner). Consult your own physician for any medical issues that you may be having.