Working on a story that is modern and realistic, and an unlikely hero's journey, for this very reason. Many of us never realize that other people, external things, are not the answer.
So many of us believe that romance will fix us. We want our partner to be a spouse, lover, best friend, accountant, therapist, and for them to play the 14 other roles included in a healthy community. It takes a village. Find a tribe and relieve the pressure of expecting one person to do the jobs of dozens.
Thank you, John, for adding the important point that when it comes to our external relationships, it takes a village. I think people need help (models, inspiration) seeing how they can find and create that tribe in these modern times….so they can enjoy their relationships and not consciously or unconsciously experience them as oppressive. Thank you, again, for this.
Our culture is very isolating, and promotes transactional relationships.
Tribe by Sebastian Junger is all about this subject. That book helped me realize that I'd never had any sense of community. Afterword, it took 5 years of searching and a pandemic before I'd find writing and create community in multiple ways.
I should probably write something on this subject as well.
Thank you so much courtney, this is perfect timing. Today is the 5th month since my husband passed. It's a really challenging time on so many levels. We were truly soulmates. And now the task is to find that within me as you say. He will always be with me and I am complete even though he's gone physically.
I did a workshop with John O'Donoghue many moons ago. He was an exceedingly special soul. The Roman Catholic Church couldn't handle the size, wisdom and mysticism of his soul.
Thank goodness he found a way to share his Revelations with us through poetry and books.
Margo. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm especially glad that it was meaningful for you in this challenging time. I'm sorry for your physical loss of your husband. It's beautiful to read that you were soulmates.
Thank you too for capturing the spirit of John O'Donohue so well. I've always find his writing comforting - especially his words about thresholds. Peace to you.
Thank you for this Courtney, so much wisdom. It wasn’t until my 40s that I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one or thing outside of myself can provide that for me. I left my husband and the father of my four children because I was so filled with resentment ….he wasn’t making me happy, wasn’t fulfilling my needs, I blamed him for my deep discontentment in life. It took the separation and time alone with myself ( for the first time in my life!), to come to the realization that my husband can’t nor should be responsible for my happiness. I learned to fill myself up, and realized as John mentioned in the comments that my husband can’t be all those things to me : friends, lover, therapist, caregiver etc. I learned to love myself and to build a community around me. My husband and I got back together after a 3 years separation and are happily going along as individuals, but together ❤️
Christine. Your story is such a beautiful example. Thank you so much for sharing this. "....happily going along as individuals, but together." I love that. You are an inspiration. Thank you.
Ha....very good.....I would still consider that the right hemisphere. As Dr. Iain McGilcrest would say, "the right brain is the Master and the left is the Emissary, ....or Einstein, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant."
I love how beautifully he captures the gifts of relationship, including the dark ones. Thank you for the reminder to crack open my book of John O’Donahue poems and sooth my heart with his mystical words.
Ah…excellent question and so much I’d like to say here. My “right brain” might describe the soul as an inner knowing or wisdom, a compassionate presence and mysterious guiding force that is within us through our life. It is both uniquely ours while at the same time interconnected with that of others. Some people might use God in this regard. I like soul because it feels more interior and personal and to me has less religious connotations. My left brain, on the other hand would say the concept of the soul is simply a creation of part of our nervous system (our “right brain) that can see the bigger picture and feels attachment to something beyond our material world. I can hold both those truths, but in my own life I do lean more into the former.
Working on a story that is modern and realistic, and an unlikely hero's journey, for this very reason. Many of us never realize that other people, external things, are not the answer.
So many of us believe that romance will fix us. We want our partner to be a spouse, lover, best friend, accountant, therapist, and for them to play the 14 other roles included in a healthy community. It takes a village. Find a tribe and relieve the pressure of expecting one person to do the jobs of dozens.
Thank you, John, for adding the important point that when it comes to our external relationships, it takes a village. I think people need help (models, inspiration) seeing how they can find and create that tribe in these modern times….so they can enjoy their relationships and not consciously or unconsciously experience them as oppressive. Thank you, again, for this.
Your point is so necessary, I think I need to do a post on that.
PS: I love the work that you're doing, and am happy that I accidentally helped.
Oh...thank you. I really appreciate that.
Our culture is very isolating, and promotes transactional relationships.
Tribe by Sebastian Junger is all about this subject. That book helped me realize that I'd never had any sense of community. Afterword, it took 5 years of searching and a pandemic before I'd find writing and create community in multiple ways.
I should probably write something on this subject as well.
It looks great. I just ordered it. I think if more people realized it takes time, they'd give it more time. It sounds like your patience was rewarded.
Thank you so much courtney, this is perfect timing. Today is the 5th month since my husband passed. It's a really challenging time on so many levels. We were truly soulmates. And now the task is to find that within me as you say. He will always be with me and I am complete even though he's gone physically.
I did a workshop with John O'Donoghue many moons ago. He was an exceedingly special soul. The Roman Catholic Church couldn't handle the size, wisdom and mysticism of his soul.
Thank goodness he found a way to share his Revelations with us through poetry and books.
From my soul to yours, Margo
Margo. Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm especially glad that it was meaningful for you in this challenging time. I'm sorry for your physical loss of your husband. It's beautiful to read that you were soulmates.
Thank you too for capturing the spirit of John O'Donohue so well. I've always find his writing comforting - especially his words about thresholds. Peace to you.
Thank you for this Courtney, so much wisdom. It wasn’t until my 40s that I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one or thing outside of myself can provide that for me. I left my husband and the father of my four children because I was so filled with resentment ….he wasn’t making me happy, wasn’t fulfilling my needs, I blamed him for my deep discontentment in life. It took the separation and time alone with myself ( for the first time in my life!), to come to the realization that my husband can’t nor should be responsible for my happiness. I learned to fill myself up, and realized as John mentioned in the comments that my husband can’t be all those things to me : friends, lover, therapist, caregiver etc. I learned to love myself and to build a community around me. My husband and I got back together after a 3 years separation and are happily going along as individuals, but together ❤️
Christine. Your story is such a beautiful example. Thank you so much for sharing this. "....happily going along as individuals, but together." I love that. You are an inspiration. Thank you.
And what about the “part” of you that is aware of both the left and right hemispheres and their respective perspectives 😉
Ha....very good.....I would still consider that the right hemisphere. As Dr. Iain McGilcrest would say, "the right brain is the Master and the left is the Emissary, ....or Einstein, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant."
I love how beautifully he captures the gifts of relationship, including the dark ones. Thank you for the reminder to crack open my book of John O’Donahue poems and sooth my heart with his mystical words.
You're welcome. There are so many of his words that I would love to share. Glad you already know him well. Do you have "Bless This Space"?
Yep. I pulled down my copy of To Bless the Space Between Us and I can’t stop smiling!
Hello Courtney …. I would like you to define what YOU mean by soul ….. thanks
Ah…excellent question and so much I’d like to say here. My “right brain” might describe the soul as an inner knowing or wisdom, a compassionate presence and mysterious guiding force that is within us through our life. It is both uniquely ours while at the same time interconnected with that of others. Some people might use God in this regard. I like soul because it feels more interior and personal and to me has less religious connotations. My left brain, on the other hand would say the concept of the soul is simply a creation of part of our nervous system (our “right brain) that can see the bigger picture and feels attachment to something beyond our material world. I can hold both those truths, but in my own life I do lean more into the former.
Such a beautiful photo and birthday poem for all. Thank you 💝
Thank you, Sue. John O’Donohue is one my very favorites.